Hmmm. It's been a while. I sincerely don't even think I still know how to write.
I went through my previous writings and could tell, I wrote from a place of pain. I was relating my stories to my experiences.
I grew up feeling like I was never heard because I basically never was. However, growing up, I realised that it affected me. My way of thinking, my way of life, how I communicate with people and so on. When you meet me, I am like an open book. However, I just let out what I want you to see. I read a post on Smile which I wrote years ago and I remember how depressed I was when I wrote it. Looking back now, I don't think I knew I was depressed.
I used to write until the people closest to me demeaned my writing skills without even going through what I wrote. Trust me, that hurt so much. I understood where they were coming from, however, you don't do that to someone who is struggling with low self-esteem which I was at the time and they both knew it. Their words ruined one of my outlets for my pain.
Now I look back, and I wonder, what could I have written through the years? Was it when I was suicidal 2 and a half times or was it when I was wondering what was wrong with me and why everyone I met gave me space? Or now that I mask my pain in my jokes, smiles and fun?
I fell in love with comedy, no one ever asks why. I fell in love with it because it makes me forget I ever had a worry to begin with. It clears my mind, and in some cases, brings out my creativity.
If I start writing all the pent-up emotions, I will not be done with it in the coming couple of years.
I might come back to writing again, who knows.
This is just my way of saying I might be back. Be it old stuff I wrote in the past or new stuff I write now, I MIGHT BE BACK.
Stay tuned!
God Bless!!!